So, Japanese exam? The one I studied for for 2 weeks and felt really good about after I wrote it? So good that I was smiling the rest of the day? Well, such things can very easily turn around and bite you in the ass. I don't know how well i did on the exam itself but as such I ended up with a 66 in the course. That is a C.

I don't know what to do with a C. My lowest mark ever was a B- in grade 9 gym, and that made me teary. I don't know what it means and what marker of intelligence it is. Fuck and ....shit.

I remembered when i was at work that I could e-mail my prof to find out my grade, so i did there, only to get the response 20 mins later. I was angry, frustrated, sad, and then I called Mom. I wanted so badly to scream, sleep, die, do anything but deal with the fact that I got a C despite having worked hard. Did I work my hardest? No. Do I ever have time to? I wish I did, I wish I got more than 6 hours of sleep per night.

But then I remembered my tattoo, why I got it, and what it stands for. Nil Durum Volenti. Nothing is difficult for the willing. And that is something I choose to believe in, that I can do anything, overcome anything if I am willing to. Next time, I will be better, stronger, smarter, even more organized, and I will make that course my bitch. That is all there is to it.

So, there will be the first C on my transcript ever, but I think I did well enough on my Astro exam and can only pray that I have enough time in the next couple of days to study for my Spanish exam.

There will be hell to pay to myself if I don't succeed. But hopefully this summer abroad in tokyo will be enough to get me my third year of language and subsequently my degree.

Nil Durum Volenti
This will get me through, this will make me stronger.